Price, Twenty-five Cents. 


STORY OF A .V 

BROKEN 



BY 

SIMMS NICKELPLATE, ESQUIRE. 










Price, Twenty-five Cents. 


STORY OF A 

BROKEN 



NlCODEMUS NICKELPLATE, ESQUIRE 

.. . — ? sight. 


RUTLAND: OCT 2C 

The Tuttle Co., Printem"' ' , . P 

1884. V,. / 5T5 ? 

^ ry OF W^SH\" * 


























Entered according to Act of Congress in tlie year 1884, by 
Lawrence & Cain, in the office of the Librarian of Congress at 
Washington. All rights reserved. 




Introductory. 


The greater portion of the contents of this little 
book was written December, 1879, and, at that 
time, the writer had no thought of its ever appear¬ 
ing in print. Through the medium of the JV. Y. 
Herald and other newspaper accounts he kept 
apace with that renowned Voyager, the “ Ithacan 
King,” on his great passage around the world, and 
noted with interest the wonderful stir and toadyism 
which his immense presence created, not only 
among Kings, Lords and Kobles, but among all 
classes of people, wherever the dignified Cortege 
arrayed itself for exhibition. 

Conceiving, as did many others, that there was 
something more than ordinary in the conception 
and execution of so grand a “ swing around the 



4 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


Circle,” something more than, pleasure, recupera¬ 
tion and worldly knowledge, and something more 
in it than appeared upon the surface, and which 
was so adroitly hidden from public view that it 
became at once an attractive subject for thought 
and meditation; and the writer became peculiarly 
interested in its progress and details. 

There was a lurking suspicion in his mind, which 
received partial confirmation through occasional 
corroborative suggestions and hints, thrown out by 
the press of the country, that its primal object was 
the promotion of a scheme, which if successful, 
would re-possess certain parties with another four 
years of government control. While there has 
never appeared any positive evidence bearing upon 
the matter, either affirmatively or negatively, there 
are many things, which, when collated, form a chain 
of circumstances so strong as to incline the minds 
of very many toward “heavy thinking” in that 
direction. These peculiar circumstances} the tone 
of some portion of the Public Prints* together 
with the great “ after piece ” at Chicago, and the 



STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


5 


“ never surrender ” policy adopted by the immortal 
306 seem to justify, to some extent, the suspicion 
that a “third term” in the White House was the 
key note to the enterprise. If there are sufficient 
grounds to suppose that such a scheme was thought 
of, we may with just propriety, and with much 
stronger force, suppose it to have been the product 
of a self constituted Ring of political speculators, 
who thought they could see in it an inviting copar¬ 
cenary inheritance to official place and power, coupled 
with admirable and advantageous pecuniary 
chalices. To suppose anything less than this, would 
at once reflect discredit upon the sagacity and 
business reputation of that class of political jobbers 
who possess the grit and the nerve to embark their 
money and reputation in such an undertaking. It 
was hazardous in the extreme, yet presented such 
inviting and attractive results as to almost force the 
compact. It was, we must admit, betting unusually 
high on small cards: but Gamblers not unfre- 
quently do so with success. The “ stakes ” were, 
no doubt, regarded of sufficient importance to jus- 



6 


Story of a broken ringl 


tify them in taking all the chances of holding tfi? 
“ winning hand ” when the “ show down ” should be 
called for. Upon this hypothesis we imagine the 
Ring was formed, and assumed the direction, man¬ 
agement, control and expense of that wonderful per¬ 
sonage, with his wonderful cortege, on his wonderful 
trip around this wonderful world, to awaken a wonder¬ 
ful interest, in a most wonderful way, which should 
lead to another four years in the wonderful White 
House. To say the least of it, it was a wonderful 
roundabout w r ay to get there, as well as a wonderful 
expression of confidence in that old wisdom stricken 
saw maker, who so owlishly said: “ The farthest 

way round is the surest way home.” In this 
instance, however, the exception and not the rule 
was proven. 

To portray and set before the people of this 
country the not unreasonably supposed modus 
operands of such a scheme, under such skilled 
manipulation and management, and in doing so, to 
show up, as vividly as possible, “ the ways that are 
dark and the tricks that are vain ” forms one 



Story of a broken ring. 


Reject of this little book. The second Object is 
to forcibly biiggest that in these extremely caloric 
times, prudence and political integrity very plainly 
dictate the propriety, and almost the absolute 
necessity, of keeping the great American eye con¬ 
stantly peeled for the discovery and squelchment of 
all Ring influences in the conduct of public affairs, 
to the end that the good name and reputation of 
the people be not injuriously affected thereby. 

The author positively denies any claim to literary 
attainments whatever, and does not push his little 
book out into the “cold, cold world ” with any idea 
of its escaping the very severest criticism. He is 
ready to admit without argument all its imperfec¬ 
tions and incompleteness, and is therefore fully 
prepared to say “ lay on McDuff;” but his imper¬ 
viousness to the “ shafts and darts ” of literary 
acumen will prevent him from ever crying out, 
“ Hold, enough ! ” He is in that happy condition 
of mind which will prevent him from feeling out¬ 
raged at even the worst which can, may or will be 
said of it, or flattered by any kind expressions in 



8 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


its favor. Pie simply proposes to start it out, 

* * 

armed with his best wishes for its success, hoping 
that it may be recognized as possessing enough of 
merit and good intention to find a lodgment in the 
hearts of at least a portion of those whom “ snob¬ 
bery” delights to call “common people,” the very 
commonest of whom is 

Yery Respectfully, etc., 

Ricodemus Niukelplate, Esquire, 



Story of a Broken Ring. 


CHAPTER l. 

When Ulysses surrendered the Executive Chair, 
The Vultures, as mourners, were all gathered there ; 
Their “feed” had been stopped, tho’ they’d plenty 
in store, 

Yet each of these “Vultures” were screaming for 
more; 

So they consulted together, this was their theme— 
How best can we manage this u third term scheme ? ” 
They argued, that money, no matter who hisses, 
Would accomplish the job, and re-elect Ulysses; 
Would place him once more in Executive Chair 
And place them in position to claim each his share 
Of all the “fat jobs” for the “Ring ” on the “slate” 
And a representation in each syndicate. 



10 


STORY OR A BROKEN RlNGr. 

They’d manage the Finance, the Bonds, the Banks, 
Do a big business, and cut all kinds of pranks— 
vVitli caution and care, extend their “big Ring,” 
Swoop down on the people, with Ulysses crown’d 
king. 

Ulysses was called on, the scenes to him painted 
And the silent old Hero, in ecstacies fainted: 

So pleased with the plan, and so anxious to show it, 
lie dropped his cigar, exclaimed, “ Boys, I’ll go it! 
Just fix up the details, whatever they be, 

There’ll be no opposition, whatever from me.” 
Then short consultations were had here and there, 
And every “old Vulture” who once had a share 
In the former eight years of that “thieving reign,” 
Was ready and anxious to thieve it, again— 

So they made up a purse, each paid his amount 
And charged on his books to the thieving account. 
The plan as they laid it—in this they were wise— 
Ulysses must visit other lands, other skies— 

Go call upon Kings, Emperors, Sultans and Czars— 
Dine with them, wine with them, smoke their 



Story op a broken ring. 


11 


Go anywhere, everywhere, all round the big world, 
Go proudly and grandly with banners unfurled; 

At once leave this country, be thoughtful and steady, 
In their own proper time, all things will be ready 
For the grandest “old boom” with shouts and 
cheers, 

That even Old Solon, down in Maine with “them 
steers” 

Will stand in amazement, at the gorgeous display 
Our Hero will make, in his march on the way, 
We’ll make such a “rumpus” as onward we march, 
That Blaine and Sherman will lose all their 
starch, 

And Tilden, Bayard, and Hendricks, will shudder 
Give up the ghost when they see that the rudder 
Of the great monster “boom” and array such as 
this is, 

Is meant for none other, than our silent Ulysses. 
Having thus settled all the plans in detail, 

The next thing in order—Ulysses must sail. 

It is really important to get him away, 

Exceedingly dangerous to let him here stay; 



12 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


The sooner lie goes, and the longer he stays, 

The better for us in a thousand of ways. 

Once abroad, we’d think it exceedingly funny 
[f he should “ go back ” on us and our money. 

If we have him stay here, we may hang up our fiddle, 
His “third term” election the people will riddle, 
And our chance of success, we are certain to find, 
Will be like the blind man leading the blind; 
They’ll pull him, haul him, and drag him about, 
And our pet scheme will go up “in a spout.” 


So they sent him abroad in a Government steamer, 
And they sent all his family along; 

They sent in advance a “Runner and Screamer” 
To work up a boom and a throng; 

They sent with him, watchers, keepers and trainers, 
And a beautiful, high-colored star spangled banner, 
With a “snug little sprinkle” of party retainers 
And a big credit letter for the “ Great Western 
Tanner”; 






story of a Broken ring. 


13 


They sent out reporters and newspaper runners 
To write up the hero of silent emotion; 

They sent with him Borie, the stunner of stunners, 
As agent of finance and chief of devotion. 

They sent them all out in a government boat, 

And told them: Go, travel this world all over; 
We’ll want you again in years not remote, 

Will pasture you then in the world’s brightest clover. 
We’ll boom while you’re gone; you boom as 
you go, 

No matter what cost, or the people may say; 

We find the money —you make the show— 

Our reward in the future—-and we’ll risk the pay. 
Go east and go north, go south and go west; 

To England, to Ireland, to Scotland and Wales; 

To Sweden and Denmark; to Russia—there rest— 
There ponder your greatness and trim up your sails. 
Through all these old countries we’d have you to go. 
Receiving such homage as “crowned heads” will 

pay* 

For the moral effect of this, you well know* 

Gives tone to our project in a most certain way. 



14 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


As your pageant moves onward from nation to 
nation, 

* 

Your fame in advance, most surely made known, 
Will call out the great men of high rank and sta_ 
tion 

*- 

To honor your presence and your greatness to own. 
Then through Austria, Germany, Switzerland, 
France, 

Your fame by this time quite generally sounded, 
You’ll receive such ovations as will leave not a 
chance 

Of your greatness acknowledged, and thoroughly 
grounded. 

Thence down through Portugal, away into Spain, 
Around into Italy, and ‘‘round up” at Rome; 
Here rest again, and show off your “ train,” 

And call on the Pope if you find him at home. 
Then, after you’ve kissed the big toe of the Pope, 
And made such display as awakened his awe, 

Hie away onward, your soul full of hope, 

And enter old Turkey with a “ hip and hoorah.” 



STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


15 


Go visit the Sultan, His Highness, his Harem, 

And ponder his greatness, his wisdom, his wine; 
Take a peep at his wives, but, mercy! don’t 
scar’em, 

For that would displease that dear wife of thine. 
Go then through Armenia, to that sacred old 
place, 

And walk through the garden' of Eden awhile, 
Where God in His mercy, first planted our race, 
And solemnly ponder, and toward heaven smile. 
Yes, go visit the garden where daylight first shone 
On Adam and Eve, the first father and mother. 

Go, call at their graves, but don’t go alone; 

Go marching to music, sustaining each other, 

And kneel at the foot of those dear ancient graves, 
Calling Borie to offer his most fervent prayer, 

But arm every servant with broadswords and staves, 
For fear that “old serpent” may yet linger there 
To tempt you and Borie, as he did Mother Eve, 

To eat of the fruit, forbidden to man; 

So, haste your devotions; get ready and leave, 
Shunning every temptation the best way you can. 



16 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


Then down through the Holy Land, where once 
reigned the Jews. 

And when at Jerusalem, your party arrives, 

Your “runners” before you having spread the glad 
news, 

The “ wise men ” will meet you, and so will their 
wives— r • 

Don’t forget tc remember that our foreign friends, 
Are the six Baron Rothchilds, whose money we use, 
To push on our scheme. They are ready to lend 
All the money we want—and they are all Jews— 
Be exceedingly careful and do not displease 
The “wise men” or Rabbi, while there you may 
stay, 

They’ll study your comfort, your health and your 
ease 

And give you a “ send off” when you start on your 
way— 

We think you had better to Bethlehem go, 

And see where our Saviour was born in a stall. 

Be careful at this place to make a good show. 
Thence back to the city and attend a Jew ball. 



STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


17 


There is much to be learned in that ancient city. 
We advise yon to at once apply for a pass, 

Bestow frequent small sums on objects of pity, 

And to imitate Christ take a ride on an ass— 

Be cautious of one thing, write it down on your sleeve 
A.s you journey round Calvary—remember the 
Laws— 

How very severe they are, against public Thieves, 
And if you’re ever tempted—we pray you to pause. 


Go visit the Churches, the Mosques and the Towers, 
The Gardens, Valleys, Mountains and Bowers, 

The old Temple ruins, and the graves of the Great, 
The Tomb of our Saviour, and where Mary sate. 
Be cheerful, be happy, be industrious and wise, 

But be not deceived by the Dragomen’s lies. 

When you have finished and “ done ” every place 
Around that Holy City, from thence turn your face 
And straightway to Joppa, in your best style and 
manner 

For there lived “ Old Simon,^ the original Tanner $ 




18 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


We advise you to stop here and engage in reflection 
Upon the subject of tanning, and leather inspection. 
And show to that people, the enormous great strides 
Which Science hath made in the tanning of hides. 
Then take ship for Egypt, the land of the Nile, 

To Alexandria and Cairo—there rest you awhile— 
There are lessons to study, in this famous land 
Such as “Corners on Corn,” most striking and grand ; 
And the labor performed here in piling up stone, 
Shows plainly that stout perseverance alone, 

Will accomplish great wonders in a measure of time, 
As witness the Pyramids and Sphinx in this clime. 
These wondrous works you should not fail to sec, 
They are stalwarts and mighty, in this all agree 
To miss them were wrong, to see them a pleasure 
Compare your own greatness by their immense 
measure. 

Then nerve up your arm, go down on the Nile 
And massacre boldly a fierce crocodile, 

This will show the Egyptians, that you are a 
“Brave” 

In the blood of your enemies, it delights you to lave, 



STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


19 


That you smile on your friend, frown on your foe, 
And thus having awed them, to Calcutta you’ll go. 
Here pay your respects, to the accredited agent 
Of the great English Crown, and exhibit your 
pageant— 

Here, rent a big elephant, procure a big gun 
Go out in the jungles, and have “lots of fun.” 

Kill a lion and tiger, aye—kill a wild boar. 

Kill each kind of wild beast, found on that shore, 
Going in, with your trophies, don’t make any 
bungle, 

The natives will hail you as “ King of the J ungle ; ” 
With such prestige established, such a great name. 
Whether honest or not, it will prove all the same, 
You can boast and can brag as much as you please 
Over Old Johnny Bull, and smoke at your ease. 
How, when you have rested, and seen every sight, 
The country affords, to your full heart’s delight, 

Go to China, Japan, and the Great Island Groups, 
And learn the great secret of “ Birds nests soups ” 
See Canton, see Pekin, and some fine afternoon 
Dress up in “ store clothes” and see the Tycoon, 



20 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


Converse with him freely as best way you can, 

But be sure and convince him you’re a “ Melican 
Man ” 

On a great trip of pleasure, all Nations to see, 

And among all the rest “ The heathen Chinee ” 
Having “ done ” the Tycoon, his Nation and trade 
To His Imperial Majesty, your greatness'displayed 
Made such impression on Celestial great mind 
As caused them to think that on earth they can’t find 
Another such “sample” produced on such scale 
As our “Silent Old Hero”—the American whale— 
Whose name needs no mention, whom every one 
knows, 

Who is toasted and feasted wherever he goes, 

Then leave for Yeddo, across in Japan, 

And “ smouge ” around there, a month if you can; 
Here, during your stay, let your thoughts be right 
weighty, 

Look well o’er the field, for eighteen and eighty. 
Through the mails we’ll advise you how the scheme 
is progressing, 

Will send you a speech, to use when addressing 





STORY OF A BROKEN RING'. 


21 


The “ good people ” here, when you again reach 
our snores, 

For we intend them to meet you, by thousands of 
scores. 

The speeches we ’ll send you—short, pithy and 
sweet— 

Each arranged for the occasion, in language com¬ 
plete. 

One speech for this place, another for that, 

Yon ’ll commit them to memory, and have them all 
“ pat,” 

Being ever on guard against such a blunder 

As “ spouting ” in ’Frisco your Omaha thunder— 

There must be regular clock work in all our arrange¬ 
ments, 

Implicit compliance, no sort of estrangements,. 

Wherever we “ bill you” right there you must go. 

We ’ll prepare you a speech, for each special show, 

You ’ll remember that we, who have furnished the 
“ tin,” 

Must manage the show, without and within. 






22 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


Now, if you will comply with our reasonable orders, 
There is no other man within these wide borders 
Who can call to his aid, in brains or in cash, 

Or bv the free use of political lash, 

Enough “blowers,” “strikers,” “ Pimpers and 
Buffers,” 

Newspaper writers and “ ballot box staffers” 

To make any show, or cause any scare, 

About your getting into the Executive Chair 
On the fourth day of March, in the year eighty- 
one, 

As sure and as certain as the lioht. of the sun. 

o 

But should you get “ huffy,” our commands disobey, 
Or thwart our known wishes in some other way, 

Or if the people find out you Ve sold out to us 
They ’ll raise the “Old Harry” and make such a 
fuss! 

They ’ll feather and tar us, and otherwise mar us, 
They ’ll shake us, jar us, and some of ’em scar us, 
They ’ll brand us as traitors, abroad and at home', 
And we ’ll “sorter” think the day of judgment has 


come. 





STORY OF A 6ROKFN RING. 23 

So yon want to be careful and mind what you 
say. 

When you ought to say yes, you had better say 
nay; 

Say nothing, do nothing, our plans to expose, 

Be as silent as death, and ‘‘you bet” the thing goes. 


Your return to this country, we rather incline, 

And have fixed in our minds the year seventy-nine, 
When “the scheme” till prepared and everywhere 
looming, 

We’ll dispatch you “come home, all things are a 
booming.” 

You ’ll come straight to ’Frisco, and there start the 
ball 

When the weather is pleasant—say early in fall— 
And when you arrive we ’ll have a big crowd 
To meet you and greet you and “bellow” so loud 
That the people all over the country will wonder 
While each will contribute his full share of 
“ thunder.” 





24 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


Your “walk ’round” the world will be “go as you 
please,” 

Your “trainers” are charged with your comfort 
and ease, 

Your financial arrangements, all fixed and well laid, 
Each kind of expenditure arranged to be paid. 
There is no sort of trouble for you on this score, 
There is “Jay Gould’s million” and the King mil¬ 
lion more, 

Every dollar of which will flow free as oil 
To make you the President and give us “the spoil.” 
So go, Dear Ulysses, and make no mistake, 

“ The Herald ” reporters will follow your wake, 
Will write up so glibly, in language and splendor, 
The march of our Hero and Country’s Defender 
As will cause our own people to yell and to squall 
For the great man, they once thought—not great, 
at all— 

But when they have witnessed the wondrous, com¬ 
motion 

You have made among crowned heads across the 
wide ocean, 




STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


25 


Have noticed the cheerful and heartfelt attention 
Of Kings, Lords and Barons, too numerous to 
mention, 

Who openly greet you and in such gorgeous 
manner 

Do homage to you, and our Star Spangled Banner, 
Then will your greatness in our markets rise, 

And our people will laud you from earth to the 
skies ; 

For you know it is said “ there’s no prophet so great " 
At his own home as in some other state— 

Right here lies the secret and base of our plan, 

(For nobody here believes you a great man) 

But we ’ll send you abroad and so a Herald ” your 
name, 

“ Puff you” and “blow you” and give you such 
fame 

As will cause the Crowned Heads of Europe and 
Asia 

To acknowledge your greatness and openly praise 

ye— 

i 

Row, when the English, the Irish, the French and 





STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


f>G 

the Russian, 

The Swede and the Dane, the Spaniard and Prus¬ 
sian, 

The Turk and the Tartar, the Egyptian and Jew 
All do you homage, what else can we do 
But. fall into line, unfurl the same banner, 

Claim National credit for Ulysses, the Tanner £ 
Thus, on a great wave of National pride, 

To the Executive Chair we expect you to ride; 
Then keep a “ stiff upper lip ” with the mark in 
your eye— 

When the proper time comes you’ll see the “ bark 
flv.” 


We will now to our duties, within our own 
borders, 

Lay all the pipes, put all things in order, 

Lay out a programme for each man of the Ring, 
Fix each his status with our prospective King, 
Assign each his duty in this immense “Raid,” 
Assess each his quota, and see that it’s paid, 






STORY OF A. BROKEN RING. 


Appoint all our agents, arrange every plan. 

Secure in some way every available man 
Whose political influence will help to advance 
The scheme we have laid, and its success 
enhance. 

The first thing to do in the way of success 
Is to gradually buy up the Newspaper Press. 

The Newspaper men are generally pliable, 

Are easily purchased, but seldom reliable; 

They hanker for money, how obtained they don't 
care; 

If there’s “ soup in the bowl” they want a full 
share. 

The Newspaper Press is an important factor 
In moulding opinion, hence a great actor 
In schemes such as ours, to allay their resistance. 
We had better “ shell out,” and buy their assistance. 
There are certain Papers, now owned by “ the 
Ring,” 

Ever ready and willing our praises to sing; 

We’ll use these at first, and use great discretion 
To start public thought and private concession 




28 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


In a smooth kind of way, we’ll go on to suggest 
That in a “ certain emergency ” it may be found best 
To quiet the wrangle ’twixt the North and the 
South, 

And close up forever that “ Confederate mouth,” 
Dispel all the danger from them Brigadiers, 

And to turn into joy all our National tears, 

Because of his stern and fierce reputation 
To call for Ulysses as Chief of the Nation. 

This kind of a plea through our papers will tell, 
Aud the people wont know it’s a gigantic sell 
Got up for the purpose of catching their votes 
And swelling our chorus in using their throats 
To halloo for Grant, and his praises sing 
For the sole, single use of the “ Third Term Bing.” 
They’ll call it patriotism, we call it “ bosh,” 

The people’s opinion is a cheap kind of “ slosh,” 
Which is moulded, wielded, voted and sold 
As horses and cattle are bartered for gold. 

With our army of “strikers” and the Newspaper 
Press, 

And this fact so patent, what’s to hinder success! 




STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


29 


We’ll send out our agents by dozens and scores 
To “do” every district within these broad shores; 
To quietly see all the Doctors and Preachers, 

The Lawyers and merchants and political screechers, 
The Bankers and Brokers, and small office holders, 
All that class of men, who “ strike from the shoul¬ 
ders.” 

The farmers, mechanics, the stockmen and millers, 
All the old “ bummers ” and whiskey distillers, 

To some giving “ taffy ” to others pay cash, 

And scare a great many with political lash. 

After one certain agent has spent all his force 
In one certain district, to another of course 
He straightway will go, there perform the same 
duty; 

(’Tis an exquisite plan, brim full of beauty,) 

For as one agent leaves another one follows ; 

What the first agent whispers, the second one 
“ hollers.” 

Then follows the third, and so on through the 
nation, 

They ’ll follow each other from station to station, 



30 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


Our object in this—“to own up the chalk ”— 

Is to blow through the papers an immense deal of 
talk 

Throughout the whole country, in county and 
state, 

Not only in one but the whole thirty-eight, 

In favor of Grant and his “ third term ” election, 
Thus starting the people in a train of reflection, 

For you know it is said, though sometimes in ire, 

“ A large volume of smoke surely indicates fire.” 
Our Agency plan, if it don’t prove refractory, 

Is what may be termed a Grant smoke factory, 
Each Agent reporting through the Newspaper 
Press 

Much more than the truth, never anything less. 
When the smoke in St. Louis so nicely is curling, 
The News, though the Press, to New England goes 
whirling. 

Through the North to the South, backward return¬ 
ing, 

The Press spreads the news of the Grant fires 
burning. 



STORY OR A BROKEN RING. 


31 


All over the Country you’ll hear the loud cries, 

“ The third term is booming,” but the dust in their 
e3^es 

Will prevent them from seeing that our kind of 
smoke 

Is a Factory product —and a National Joke— 
Hatched for the purpose, and with the intention 
As a kind of a political patent invention 
To deceive the great people of this Greater 
Nation 

Into lifting us into a big speculation 
By giving to us the undoubted control 
Of the silent old Hero, both body and soul, 

To obey all our orders, and do every act, 

As we may direct him, not doubting the fact 
That through our own money, and manipulation, 
And for our own use, as chief of the Nation, 

We’ve built him a name, and given him power. 

In our immense game, he is our “ Right Bower,” 

To be “played” as we order, as best suits our 
pleasure, 

Sign or Veto, at our wish, any measure, 







32 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


Fill all requisitions by the Ring men made, 

And feel that in all things we must be obe} r ed. 

You see, we care not for Grant nor no “other man,” 
Except in so far as through him our plan 
For filching, grabbing and “ big money” nabbing 
From our “dear Uncle Sam,” without any blabbing 
Is nurtured, furthered, and all well matured, 

And we’ve stole all we want and got it secured. 
When this is all done, then “ down goes his shanty,” 
The grave will alone heal the sins of Old Granty; 
His history, when dead, will no doubt be written ; 
Will most likely tell how the people were bitten 
By a “ Bull Dog ” named Grant, wearing our brass 
collars, 

Who was owned by “ our Ring,” bought with our 
dollars, 

But whose fierce disposition we always controlled, 
For we kept on his mouth a padlock of gold. 


We have always remarked it, and it can’t be denied, 
The people all want to be on the strong side; 





STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


33 


Their ideas so small in breadth, width and length, 

The best Newspapered man with them has most 
strength : 

So we’ll newspaper Grant, with columns and pages 

Convince these “ Old Ninnies ” and doughheaded” 
sages 

That public opinion on our side is floating. 

Thus we will give them a nice sugar coating. 

The growing opinion will, like a new broom, 

Sweep o’er the land and start the “ Big Boom.” 

The one greatest trouble and most bothersome 
thing 

Is to keep all our secrets confined to the Bing. 

To keep them all safe against outsiders prying 

Demands of each one an immense deal of lying; 

But that matters not, if in that there’s success; 

There is no other Bing can beat us, we guess. 

We’ve looked the thing over in a sharp business 
way ; 

We have counted the cost; are ready to say 
* 



34 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


That, without a great mishap, or egregious blunder, 
As sure as that lightning is followed by thunder, 
We’ll march to the polls under victory’s banner 
And elect the great Chieftain, Ulysses the Tanner. 
All things have worked well, all point to success ; 
Our travelling agents and Newspaper Press 
Have done, and are doing, their full line of duty, 
And the third term is growing a magnificent 
beauty. 


There was one little jar in a scheme we had laid ; 
We thought for a time the whole thing was 
played.” 

On the plea of affording the people diversion, 

We concocted to ’Frisco, a Railway Excursion— 
Five hundred carloads, strung out in one string— 
An elegant “ show ” gotten up by our Ring— 

To meet Grant in ’Frisco, and make a big noise, 

A sort of reunion of all the Ring Roys, 

A flying of flags, and a booming of guns, 
Astonishing Fathers, and Mothers and Sons, 





STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


35 


A ringing of bells and a beating of drums, 

The whole “ shebang ” shouting “ Lo, the Hero, lie 
comes. 

We thought such display would strengthen our 
cause, 

Give us more “ Chestnuts,” and more “ Cats’ 
Paws,” 

But some rascally scamps, without fear or shame, 

“ Dropped ” on the scheme and exposed the whole 
game. 

So we sent word to Grant, indignant as thunder, 

“ The Railway Excursion” “has proven a blunder,” 
Don’t come ’til we call you, say early September, 
And don’t you forget, but always remember, 

That the “ ’Frisco Excursion,” in your estimation, 
Was hatched in Chicago as a mere speculation ; 
And we through our papers will openly bounce it 
As a mere private scheme, and as such denounce it. 
In giving direction to a vigorous campaign, 

Mistakes will occur which one can’t explain. 

The only true way to get out of a scrape 

Is to prove you w£l* ’nt in it , in no way or shape; 







36 


STORY OF A. BROKEN RING. 


And this we did do, through a brassy denial, 

Yet the truth suffered much when the facts were 
on trial. 


STARTLING PHENOMENA. 

Now comes the report—see the Altoona Tribune — 
Of a very remarkable, wonderful sight; 

Grant’s name in the clouds, one fine afternoon, 

Was seen by the people, in letters of light. 

When the name of our Hero appears in the sky 
In two different places in old Pennsylvania, 

Our natural instincts demand to know why 

The Heavens thus boldly indorse the “ Grant mania.” 

We find a solution, and it savors of reason, 

Yet it may not appear as precisely the thing, 

But the Devil agreed at this very season 
To set all his forces at work for our Ring. 

We think it quite likely, from his “ Lower Regions ” 
He sent forth his minions, to paint in the air 
The name of our Hero, and thus call his legions 
To come to the front and for conflict prepare. 




STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


37 


Our Ring and the Devil a compact hath made ; 

We have signed it, sealed it, entirely firm; 

He’s to bring out his forces, come to our aid, 

And favor in earnest the “ final third term.” 

We mean to play fair and give him his share, 

When the election is over—he gets all our Pimps; 
So we are ready to swear, Grant’s name in the air 
Was the work of the Devil or some of his Imps. 


We find in all countries, the laboring masses— 

The “mudsills,” “scum” and “diggers” in earth— 
Must be held and controlled, as ignorant asses, 

And kept in subjection under those of “high birth.” 
We acknowledge, of course, their right of existence, 
And admit their service to us is of note, 

But never can stand their constant persistence 
In demanding, like us, a free right to vote. 

To say that a poor, dirty, greasy mechanic, 

Whose bread is obtained by the sweat of his brow, 
Is an equal with us , the thought is satanic, 

It savors of treason; we swear and we vow 







38 


STORY OE A BROKE# Rt#G, 


That mechanics who labor, all men who work 
In shop, or on farm, or who handle the spade, 

Shall be made to remember the laws of our kirk 
Distinctly command that our will be obeyed. 

We will that their voice in government measures 
Must never be heeded, admitted nor pleaded; 

That the State, and the Nation, their laws and 
Treasures, 

Are managed by us, and their voice not needed. 
What do they know about State legislation ? 

How do they know what our wants demand ? 

What can they do, toward sustaining the Nation, 
Excepting as soldiers , under our wise command ? 
Such talk as “ the people, ” the hard-fisted yeoman 
Having rights, such as we are bound to respect, 

Is a low bred absurdity, will find active foemen 
In all men of wealth who stop and reflect. 

This ideal doctrine that “ the people must rule,” 
Their will be the law, and by us be obeyed, 

Must take a back seat while a different school, 
Which teaches the poor by the rich will be 
swayed, 




STORY OV A BROKEN RING; CD 

Must come to the front and take a bold stand, 
Maintaining our rights as the Lords of the soil, 

To dictate, control, override and command 
These greasy mechanics and minions of toil. 

How foolish, how silly, how very unwise 
"Were Washington, Adams, Hancock and Lee— 
And Jefferson, too—who proclaimed the bold lies 
That “ men were born equal,” and born to be free. 
They held out the idea that all the tax payers 
Were sovereigns, voters and equals with those 
Whom God made Nobles, Kings, Lords, Mayors, 
To live without labor, and in wealth’s lap repose— 
That same kind of feeling in a measure remains 
Among the “ dear people ” who labor and sweat, 
But the good time is near—through money and 
brains 

We’ll teach them a lesson quite different, “you 
bet.” 

1 __ 

Oh ! we’ve a deep laid scheme, and a few only know 
To what length and what breadth we intend it- to gc; 






40 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


It is safest to keep all but few in the dark, 

For great fires are kindled sometimes from a spark. 
Our final success in great measure depends 
On the masterly use of our political friends. 

We only have use for the-chief party leaders; 

To capture them all (being such hearty feeders), 
Would break us all up, aye—bankrupt our ring. 
We’ll not think for a moment of any such thing. 
Yet a few must be gobbled, no matter what cost. 
We’ve got it to do, or our scheme will be lost. 

We know its a shame, yet we have it to do; 

There is no other way to put the scheme through. 
There is “Don” and “old Simon;” not Simon the 
Tanner, 

But Simon who sailed under Oliver’s banner. 
They’re always on hand, with millions to back 
’em. 

They handle the whips, and they know how to crack 
’em. 

When Simon says “wig wag,” then “waggin’” 
begins. 

The “Pennymites” laugh when old Simon grins; 



STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


41 


They know what a smile from old Simon means. 
They see in that smile bread and butter and beans. 
Simon and Don, are right and left bowers; 

They’ll each take a trick, and each trick is ours. 
Such men as these, for their brains, and their toils, 
Must each have a share of all the “fat spoils.” 
There’s the noble Lord Roscoe, whose voice always 
tells, 

He brings first himself, then the wealthy Cornells; 
He then brings us Arthur, a good “heavy weight,” 
And he, through Boss ^ Kelly, will bring us his 
State. 

When the battle is over, and our full hand is shown, 
We’ll assign Lord Roscoe a place near the throne. 
The next on the list, of the “bold Roman boys,” 

Is “Black Diamond Jack,” from the great Illinois. 
We have no sort of use for a man who is weak. 

We are bound to have one , who has no end of 
cheek. 

If Jack hasn’t got it as much as a mule, 

We are grossly deceived—but we think, as a 
rule, 





4$ 


StORY OF A BROKFtf RING. 


Our judgment is good, in no wise leaky, 

And hesitate not in calling Jack cheeky. 

Then, with Jack on our side, in battle array, 

We’ll have enough cheek to insure us to stay. 

Some call it cheek, and some call it brass. 

With Jack it’s provided, so from that we will 
pass. 

With Don in the chair, full of old Simon’s tricks, 
And Jack in the “field,” dealing his heavy licks, 
The stately Lord Koscoe, in charge of debate, 

We’ll show to the people how seven wins eight. 
There is Boutwell and Banks, most excellent aids, 
Pierpont and Stoughton, both charming “old 

i 

maids.” 

Then Douglass and Pinchback, a dark colored pair, 
And Norton of Texas, with his Henry Clay hair. 
With these and some others, just whom we won’t 
state, 

As helpers to us, and our Triumvirate, 

We’ll open the ball, from the base to the dome, 
Dispatch the old Hero—“Make haste and come 
home.” 





STORY OR A BROKEN RING. 


43 


With every precaution prepare for the meeting, 
And see that in ’Frisco he has a big greeting. 
We’ve a great deal of work, many plans to devise, 
In “pulling the wool” o’er the “dear people’s” eyes. 
For they mustn’t know it’s our bold intention 
To use them in packing the National Convention. 
To nominate Grant, in a manner most hearty, 

And elect him, by using the lash of the party— 
But when once elected, good bye, you “Dear peeps.” 
You’ve lost, we’ve won, and we “played for keeps.” 





44 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


CHAPTER II. 

If our memory be not faulty, 

And we rightly do remember, 

’Twas in the autumn month— 

The beautiful September— 

Near the middle of the month, 

Say, about the equinoxes, 

When our Hero home returned, 
Bringing seventy-two big boxes 
Filled with richest, rarest presents 
From most royal hands received ; 
They were striking testimonials 
As to how their hearts were grieved 
At their parting with Ulysses, 

And their hopes in his success. 

Of course Ulysses took them, 

But no emotion of distress 



STORY of a broken ring. 


45 


Appeared upon his face 
In blushes or in tears, 

For he was used to taking presents, 
And had been for many years; 

’Tis a principle with him, 

Which he never does forget, 

If you offer him a present 
He will take it, “ Now, you bet.” 


Well, he landed safe in ’Frisco 
And stepped on shore so blandly. 
While a sea of people met him 
And greeted him so grandly. 

Every kind of demonstration 
Which our Ring Men could invent 
Was showered most profusely 
On the great Ex-President. 

We gave him a reception 
In every way most grand, 

Which set the people thinking 
Throughout this great broad land. 






46 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


We began the “ boom” in earnest 
All along the “ golden slope,”— 

In Nevada and Oregon 
His presence presaged hope. 

From the mountains, hills and valleys, 
From the States and Territories, 

From the gulches, mines and ranches, 
There came to us the stories 
Of our hero and his party 
As from place to place they went— 
One continued grand ovation 
To the great Ex-President. 


After doing all the Western slope, 
Exhibiting our big show, 

Not forgetting Brigham’s grave 
And his harem, as you know, 

We approached the East uprightly 
In a train of palace cars, 

And the people shouted all along 
For our Hero, without scars. 




STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


47 


’Twas a regualar “ Hip Hoorah ” timo 
Every night and every day— 

One rousing demonstration 
At every step along the way— 

A most grand and glorious sight, 
Producing great commotion, 

And it filled us with delight 
To witness such devotion. 

But when we stop to think 
How devotion manufactured 
Is likely to hold out, 

Our hopes are somewhat fractured. 
But it matters not with us ; 

If we can keep the ball a-moving, 

Can blind the people’s eyes 
And keep our chance improving, 

Can nominate our chieftain 
At the National Convention 
By tricks, and ways, and means 
To numerous here to mention ; 

Can place him on the ticket. 

See the people don’t reject him, 







43 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


Then manipulate the boxes 
And by jugglery elect him, 

And should he lack a State or two, 
In the electoral college 
We’ll see the “local boards” 

And possess them of the knowledge 
Of a singular discovery 
Where “ seven outnumbers eight ” 
And upon this hypothesis 
Throw out or in a State. 

We’ll receive our Prima Facies 
On which to base for plan, 

Then on the fourth of March nc^t 
Inaugurate our man— 

Install him in the White House, 
Paying not the least attention 
To any sort of protest 
Or Congressional intervention. 

Once in, we’ll risk the future ; 

With our chieftain at the helm, 

The Congress and the people 
With power we’ll overwhelm. 



STORY OF A BROKEN RINO. 


49 


We have one prevailing idea 
Which we have nourished long, 

“ Our weak, imbecile government 
Must be changed to one that’s strong.” 
Then the idea of freedom 
Belonging to the masses 
Is a weak and silly subterfuge 
Etertained by none but asses. 

We’ve conceived a government 
Which will give to us protection, 

And we sent our man abroad 
For observation and reflection. 

And to notice every method 
Of European aristocracy, 

And will utilize his knowledge 
For the downfall of Democracy. 

We’ll establish here a power, 

And inaugurate a reign 

Which will place in our own hands 

The control of this domain— 

When the few shall rule the many* 
When wealth, and brains and cash, 


4 






5-0 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


May “hob nob” at their pleasure, 
And administer the lash 
Of dread poverty and want, 

Of dark misery and distress, 

Of grim wretchedness and woe, 
Until the people do confess— 
Aye, and openly admit 
That wealth and rank and station 
Is the power forever more 
Destined to rule this Nation. 


As we pass on through the country, 
Through city, town and village, 

With an outward show of patriotism, 
But inward bent on pillage, 

The people come to greet us 
And welcome back our hero, 

Not knowing that in heart 
lie’s the counterpart of Nero, 

Under training for a scheme, 
if we can keep him level, 




STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


51 


Which would bring a flush of shamo 
On the cheeks of the old Devil; 

But the “dummies” will not see it— 
So we’ll push along the show; 
They’ll cry aloud and yell for us 
Wherever we may go. 


We, of course, can see some danger, 
From such men as Blaine and Sherman, 
And on the Democratic side 
Such men as Payne and Thurman. 
There are others, called “dark horses,” 
Whom we recognize as colts, 

They are hardly bridleraised as yet ; 
They are a stud of lubberly dolts ; 

Who think they have a following 
For the Chief Executive Chair, 

But when the proper time comes, 
They’ll “ go up ” like “ thin air,” 
They’ll find it risky business 
To pull across our bows 
With their little stern-wheel dinkeys 





52 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


And old flat bottomed scows. 

They can make no more imprssion 
On the good old ship Ulysses 
Than a goose does on an elephant, 
When she spreads her wings and hisses. 
They should learn in navigation, 

Small craft must keep near shore, 
While ships of greater tonnage 
May with safety venture more. 

Yes, we have our posters up, 

We’re to show in many places 
An untold of exhibition, 

Full of style, and pomp, and graces. 
Such a caravan of greatness, 

Such a menagerie of leeches, 

Such immensity of personage 
And such elaborated speeches 
Can’t fail in calling to us, 

Great crowds to shout and bellow; 

And swear by all thats great and good, 
Our Ulysses is the fellow, 




STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


53 


The “boss” of all the great men, 

The soldier and civilian, 

The Hudibras of modern times, 

The chief one of the million. 

So on we went, from place to place, 
Wher’er we had been posted, 

Wher’er we went, with one consent, 
Ulysses there was toasted. 

Through Iowa, through Illinois, 
Indiana and Kentucky 
The boom progressed, and all confessed 
That Ulysses, bold and plucky, 

Would stem the current of events, 

And land once more in power, 

And we felt our chance improving 
Every day and every hour. 


We feel the great importance 
Of a trip down through the South, 
To administer some “ Taffy ” 

To that big confederate mouth. 




STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


$4 


To see the “ Jacob Faithfuls,” 

Those of African decent, 

And arrange a list of delegates 
For the great Ex-President. 

So we'll hurry through Ohio, 

Straight on to Pennsylvania ; 

We’ll there confer with Simon, 

Who is solid for “ The Mania.” 

We’ll also meet Friend Childs, 

And Chairman Don and others— 

Consult with them as freely 
As if they were our brothers. 

We deem it most important 
That the Keystone State be right; 

Hence, we go there with Ulysses 
To cheer them in the fight. 

New York is safe with Roscoe— 

No assistance needed there ; 

So we’ll spend our time in Southern clime, 
And the colored mind prepare. 

But first we 11 go to Washington, 
Remaining there some days, 



STORY OR A BROKEN RING. 


55 


Post up our books, see how things look, 
And gently snub Old Hayes. 

Then, “ on to Richmond,” Sunday morn. 
In special train we’ll start, 

Go fill “ the bill,” with General Phil., 
Stir up the Southern heart. 

The “Faithful” there will meet us, 
Receive from us “the plans,” 

Then yell and shout along the route, 

And gather in “ the clans.” 

For instructions in the secret 
Of the way to “ manage things ” 

By the use of notes in getting votes, 

And the harmony of Rings. 


Now, down through the Carolinas, 
And through Georgia—well around 
In all South States get delegates 
And have them firmly bound 
“ To stay ” with our Ulysses, 

“ To stay ” and ne’er complain, 

Firm as rocks, just bet your socks 





56 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


No Sherman or Jim Blaine, 

Can move a peg, when once ’tis set, 
Can drive, or coax, or wheedle, 

For the col’d mind, when once inclined, 
Will point as does the needle 
To the great North Star, Ulysses. 

To him they’ll point and “stay;” 
They’ll hold their grip and never slip, 
We’ve taught them all that way.’ 

The Darkies ! Why, the’re always led 
By the merest, slightest string. 

They’ll do their work, and never shirk 
When commanded by “ Our Bing.” 

To quiet all uneasy thoughts 
Regarding our real mission, 

We’ll via Cuba go to Mexico, 

And thus allay suspicion. 

A double purpose thus we’ll servo, 

We’ll learn the Spanish Lingo, 

And ne’er forget our former pet, 

The isle of San Domingo. 




STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


57 


Here, on waiting orders, rest us; 

Phil, will see that none molest us. 

Let us ponder here and wait 
The call from our triumvirate; 

While we wait, look up some mines, 

Secure a few good railway lines, 

Duly chartered, richly aided, 

Such as can be quickly traded 
In the land of Yankee Doodle, 

And bring to us “great heaps of boodle. 5 ' 
Thus two birds we will have slain 
With one stone, then off again 
Across the Gulf to Galveston, 

And see if aught can there be done. 
Through all the great Southwestern States 
We’ll see that all the delegates 
Are men of noble soul and mind, 

And to our chieftain are inclined. 

The Texans hate our Philip so, 

From here we’ll let the General go; 

His presence here w r ill prove no aid, 
Because of some remarks he made. 



58 


STORY OP A BROKEN RING. 


He said, if he owned the two places, 

( Referring to Texas and Hell) 

He would endeavor to rent the former— 
To the latter he’d go and dwell. 

Well, the Texans are of the opinion 
The latter would suit him the best; 

That he’d find it far more congenial, 

And a much safer place to rest. 


In Texas there’s Davis and Plumley, 

Tom Ochiltree, Haswell and Saylor; 

There’s Tracy, the Niggers and Newcomb, 
And up in the north, Bob Taylor. 

Look sharp after Tracy, he’s tricky, 

And up to all sorts of shenanigan 

Not a man in the State who can beat him, 

Unless it be Colonel Web Flannagan. 

Both will take whatever you give them, 

And use it as they, may think best; 

Then ask you to drink, with a nod and a wink, 
And beseech you to “ pull down your vest.” 






story op a Broken ring. 


50 


Look well to the Dutch—they’re a power— 
See Degener and dine at his palace; 

And Norton, the Nigger’s Right Rower, 

Who lives up the country at Dallas. 

Now, Norton is a Henry Clay man, 

Though the statesman now sleeps in his grave; 
Since he for chief magistaate ran. 

The old “ Manikin ” refuses to shave. 

Confer with them freely, instructing each one 
In their duties behind the dark screens. 

Pack up your traps when this you have done, 
Take the steamer for New Orleans; 

The custom house boys are fully aware, 

We have assigned unto them a grave matter 
Which they will perform, you may be assured, 
For it brings them “ the grease on the platter.” 
Gov. Kellogg at once must be seen, 

An understanding minutely arranged; 

Call upon “Pinch” and his snuff-colored queen, 
And don’t let “ Old Lynch ” be estranged ; 
Thence, to Mobile, and Jackson and Memphis, 
Crossing over to pert Little Rock; 






60 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


At each of these places, with serious faces, 
Distribute some “ third term ” stock. 


Now, off for Cairo, where we’ll halt, 
There call a consultation, 

Prepare a speech quite sure to reach 
The heart of this great Nation. 

We’ll saj : We’ve visited the world, 
Have scanned all kingly powers ; 

With emperors dined, with sultans wined 
In palaces and bowers ; 

Have met the grandest potentates 
The world has ever known; 

The rarest scenes, most gorgeous Queens 
On whom the sun hath shone. 

In all my great travels hence, 

Nothing seen to me so grand, 

So good, so pure, and so immense 
As this, “ my own, my native land.” 
Here, Northern and Southern heart, 

In solid compact firm and true, 




STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


61 


Pledged to do full well tlieir part 
To Unionize the Grey and Blue. 

Then whether Blue, or whether Grey, 
My heart leaps out to meet you ; 
Where’er I can, where’er I may, 

In brotherly love I’ll greet you. 

The time is short and we must go, 
We’ll have no more detention; 

We’ll meet again, ere long you know, 
At Chicago, in convention, 

And then we’ll win or lose the game 
We’ve played with such bold hand ; 

If winning, we will light a flame 
Of power throughout the land, 

A power, stifling to Democracy, 
Chains the poor of lowly station, 

And gives to wealth and aristocracy 
Complete control of this great nation. 
But losing, Oil, the grievous thought, 
Hope hath fled and we are stranded, 
Deep dispair, most dearly bought, 

On our visions, stained and branded; 



62 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


Failure in our ears a-rinsring;, 

Lost to us so rich a prize ; 

Shame, in tuneful song is singing, 
Tears are blocking up our eyes. 

Be off, distrust! Avaunt! Away l 
Come to us some other day— 

Come not now to mar our plans, 

We must gather in our clans. 

We have heavy work to do, 

No time to bother here with you— 
So now we’ll scatter, but to meet 
With great success or great defeat; 
Which ’twill be, we cannot tell. 

If former, good; if latter, h——1! 
What’er it be, what’er the token, 

Let our phalanx ne’er be broken. 
Unmovable and firm and grand, 

Let us by each other stand, 

Let us to each other cling— 
Distinctive factors of the Bins-— 
Each remembering well that whether 
“ Stand or fall,” we’re all together, 





STORY OF A BROKEN RING-. 


63 


“ Up or down,” Oh, Fate, direct us; 

Our own brave hearts alone protect us. 

Our game is one of desperate chance, 
Which boldness can alone advance— 

And, if it wins, will bring a prize, 

At which the world will ope its eyes ; 
Winning brings to us a stake, 

At which the people well may quake; 

And then again we’ll say, “ Dear Peeps,” 
We played to win, and played “ for keeps.” 





64 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


CHAPTER III. 

THE CONVENTION. 

It is not onr purpose or desire, in this connec¬ 
tion, to give anything like a detailed statement of 
the proceedings of the great convocation. We 
shall only refer to such portions as tend to throw 
light upon the matter we have under special con¬ 
sideration. The convention proper was a very 
large and very respectable body of men. The 
duly accredited delegates numbered something 
over eight hundred. It was estimated that there 
were present twenty thousand outsiders. 

Of the latter it is probably safe to say that at 
least 19,750 of them were men suffering under the 
scorching pine-knot flames of a vivid desire for 
office. That patriotism, pure and undefiled, was 
pressing down upon them at a rate fully equal if 




\ 


STORY OF A. BROKEN RING. 65 

not in excess of the well known decrees of atrnos- 
plieric pressure, and threatening to burst in the 
outer walls of their “pent up” bosoms, pushing 
them on to the sacrifice of individual happiness 
and personal comfort, in the dull, monotonous and 
uninteresting service of their country. Oh, what 
a pleasure we “common people” feel in realizing 
the fact that we live in a country where the 
lubricating oil of patriotism (chemical pure) so 
diffuses itself, softens and invigorates so many of 
our “better classes” of countrymen, and tits them 
for the arduous duties of official life. 

We have reason to be thankful to the Great 
God of Direction that “our lines” have been “cast” 
in the midst of such an ocean of self-sacrificing 
spirits. We are constrained to believe that the 
American people do not so fully appreciate this 
phenomenal characteristic, so prevalent among 
“our fellow citizens,” as they should do. That 
they greatly underestimate the weight and burden 
of government responsibilities these “patriotic 
souls” so willingly and so cheerfully take off the 


5 



G6 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


people, and without a murmur carry year after 
year upon their own emaciated and emaciating 
shoulders. Oh, what patriotism! What immu¬ 
tability of purpose ! What incomparable and 
incomprehensible generosity ! ■ Tis enough to move 

the heart of stone and dissolve it into pity. The 
weight and cares of government! With what 
cheerfulness and with what Christian resignation 
they do bear it. Some one of the numberless 
Johnsons once said : 

“Care, that is entered once into the breast, 

Will have the whole possession ere it rest.” 

We suspect that “Johnson” was well posted, 
and knew whereof he wrote. That he had watched 
closely how “others’ cares” had been handled, and 
felt, constrained to sound the alarm. Now we 
have great confidence in the “better classes,” and 
would not be guilty of suspecting any wrong in 
them, but would simply suggest that it is in the 
nature of man to be frail, whenever lie is sur¬ 
rounded with a multiplicity of “good chances,” and 
it might not be unwise to keep an eye upon him 



STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


67 


and sec that he doesn’t get the “whole possession.” 
This suggestion is made in the interest of the 
people, and to intimate to man not to put on airs, 
“you know.” 

Yes truly, man is frail, quite frail sometimes. 

Whoever said—as some one did say—“frailty: 
thy name is woman,” had not studied man, and 
looked him well over, when he ejected the “soft 
impeachment.” He was not well up in the belles 
lettres of masculinity. He evidently “went short” 
on the full knowledge of man. He didn’t see him 
in those days in the light we now behold him. He 
hadn’t as yet reached the “bottom facts.” Any 
woman in the country will tell you so. With 
sorrow we record it, that even man nowadays leans 
heavily toward frailty, and he must not be trusted 
too much in the “isolated corners” of official life, 
with the great cares of the people. The frailty of 
man is less liable to fructify, develop and prosper 
when he is kept right out on the front piazza of 
constant observation. 




68 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


The convention, as before intimated, met and 
proceeded, as do all conventions of a similar char¬ 
acter, to “ count noses,” take a general look at the 
“ situation of things,” and ascertain as correctly as 
possible the status of its various component parts. 

Like all other such “ gatherings,” it was a circus 
of amazing curiosity, with numerous side shows, 
more or less attractive. 

It was menageriel, liippodrometic and prestidi- 
gitatorial in many of its aspects, and therefore 
partook to some extent of the “ combination ” 
characteristics and peculiarities of the Barnum and 
Forepaugh exhibitions. There was, however, a 
singular absenee of “ red lemonade ” and a remark¬ 
able profusion of “ red licker.” It was used 
freely and for various purposes. The demand for 
it was immense. It was an eight day picnic for 
the “ red licker” dealers. While there was a 
great redundancy of “ red licker ” and “ red licker ” 
influences, there was a remarkable scarcity of 
unanimity. We are not prepared to say that the 
redundancy of the one produced the scarcity of the 



STORY OF A BROKEN" RING. 


69 


other, blit will say that from the little experience 
we have had in the use of “ red licker,” we think 
it inii>’ht have that effect. Outside of our friends— 
the Mastadons—the insurmountable 306, there was 
hardly, a man in the convention, and but few in the 
city, who could read in his heart a clear title to an 
unanimous sentiment which would govern his action 
through the convention. Such as they did possess 
was of an unstable and migratory character, a kind 
of “ off and on,” “skip and go fetch it,” “go as 
you please,” “ you know.” The 306, however, 
were strikingly unanimous. They went there 
unanimous, and remained unanimous during the 
entire siege. Besides being unanimous, and fault¬ 
lessly so, they presented a front, rear and equilat¬ 
eral aspect of astounding determination which not 
the liveliest imagination can picture or the nimblest 
pen describe. 

Firm as the Rock of ages, there they stand, 

A most determined, a most heroic band ; 

No word which human tongue could speak 
Could move them, or bring upon their cheek 



16 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


Aught but the pallid forms of hopes now dead 
And the sickly visage of bold ambition fled; 

No thought, no sign, no emblematic token 
To give them cheer, or brace them in the fall; 

They saw, felt, knew—the Ring was broken, 

And with it broke ambition, hopes and all. 

The reverse currents of puplic opinion had set 
in, and great waves of thought came tumbling and 
and rumbling over the pathways of public mind, 
averse to Ring power and Ring management. 

The great American eye had begun to peep 
through the fog and mists of the “ bold intention,” 
and there came up and swept throughout the land 
such a cyclone of opposing sentiment as to shatter 
even the strong walls of desperation, yet this pyra¬ 
mid of purpose, this mountain of flxity, this “ noble 
phalanx ” stood like : 

Bold Gibraltar, rising high 
Above the storms of opposition ; 
Determination in each eye 
To hold the fort of their ambition. 



ST0R7 OF A BROKEN RING. 


71 


Iiusli ! Our Roscoe ! Great Defender ! 

Hear his fiery words and voice, 

“ The old guard dies, but ne’r surrender,” 
Such is our unbounding choice. 

That settled it. They didn’t die, so to speak.” 
but they gently “ went under,” u as it were.” They 
passed away as 306 “ souls with but a single 
thought,” 306 “ hearts that beat as one.” They 
were still unanimous. They “ handed in their 
checks,” exclaiming as the did so, “ Holy Moses 
“ sich is life.” 

Combine they would not. Their man, and only 
their man. They had one purpose, and only one. 
They adopted at least a trace of that policy which 
may be gleaned from the following story: 

STORY. 

A fabulous story—please read it who may— 

’Twas about a mean dog called Ranger— 

Whose mean disposition led him one day 
Out into the barn, in a mean, haughty way, 

To prevent an old horse from eating his hay, 

And, to do so, jumped into the manger. 



72 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


The horse, stepped back, as any horse would 
With a fierce, biting devdl before him. 

The dog sat and growled as no dog should ; 

The horse moved back as far as he could, 

Hoping his master (a man truly good) 

Would come to the barn and restore him. 

The master was gone. No relief was there 
From the pangs, of a hungry feeling. 

The dog would growl. The horse would stare. 
Death was approaching. The dog did’nt care— 
He could’nt eat hay—and the horse did’t dare, 

And both with starvation, were reeling. 

At last death came, one bright, sunny day, 

And took, both the horse and dog Ranger. 

It left some advice for the old, young, and gay— 
If you can’t win yourself, some other one may ; 
Don’t be a brute, and stand in the way, 

And give to your fellows a chance to say, 

“He is only a dog in the manger.” 



I 


STORY Ob' A BROKEN RING. 73 

If you are up for an office, and know you can’t win — 
And by helping your neighbor, he can — 

Don’t stand back, and chuckle and grin, 

Don’t be selfish, and narrow, and thin. 

But roll up your sleeves, and pitch right in, 

And show to the world you’re a man. 

If the Ring had been wise, and fairly inclined, 
When they saw that “ Three hundred and six ” 

Was a good, strong vote, but with nothing combined 
Was too weak to win, as they surely did find, 

But quite strong enough with his own “do ye mind” 
To have carried through John and left Jim behind, 
And thus settled a few of his tricks. 

But the dog-in-the-manger disposition was there— 
If their man couldn’t win, no other man should. 

So they stoically sat, with a deep, sullen air, 

Some grating their teeth, while others did swear 
That neither Jim nor John, nor George the fair 
Should climb to the top of that golden stair 
Till death called them loudly for h—11 to prepare, 
Which, if justice were done them, it would. 



STORY OF A BROKEN" RING. 


74 


As a natural consequence, when the final test 
came and the last “heat” was called, in the “free 
for all” the dark horse “Surprise,” one of the stjui 
of “ Lubberly Dolts,” was duly entered and brought 
out with a strong show of “backers.” Most of the 
“ trained nags ” were led off the track too heavily 
handicapped with the elements of defeat, leaving a 
light and uninteresting “ field.” There were several 
“starters,” but before the “half” was reached, the 
King horse and “Surprise” were the only con¬ 
testants. “ Surprise ” early took the pole, and at the 
“third quarter” showed odds in his favor. Coniine 
down the “ homestretch ” he made some beautiful 
“spurts” and passed “under the wire” an easy 
winner, amid the forced applause of the assembled 
multitude. Ohio had won again. 

The second prize was with little or no opposition 
awarded to the piscatorial diplomat of Gothamitish 
fame, as a needful peace offering, and as a pain- 
soothing-wound-healing, antifebrile stroke of policy. 
The “subsequent proceedings”' were of the ordinary 
commonplace character usual on such occasion. 



STORY OF A BROKEN RING, 


75 


There were no tears shed when the final adjourn¬ 
ment was declared. The departure bore something 
of a funeralistic aspect, in that all left wearing 
upon their faces a strange admixtion of melancholy 
dissatisfaction and regret. A few were seemingly 
“pert and chipper,” and continued in that delightful 
mood until the supply of “ pert and chipper ” 
ingredients was exhausted, when a “change came 
o’er the spirit of their dreams,” and they gradually 
“took on” a tired, drowsy and somewhat insipid 
appearance. 

Others were in a frame of mind indicative of a 
“peaceful resignation” to the “powers that be,” no 
doubt engulfed in the belief that “whatever is, is 
right,” while others—and not a few—presented 
fierce, cyclonic fronts, giving unmistakable signs of 
“trouble ahead.” The result, when known through¬ 
out the country, produced no spontaneous outbursts 
of public favor. The King managers saw this 
great lack of spontaneity, and saw in it an oppor¬ 
tunity to wreak out a sweet revenge in November 
for their bitter defeat in Jline. They knew that 




76 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING 


they yet held the card, which, if played with a 
dexterous hand, would bring success or bring defeat 
to the Chicago winner. They felt that sooner 
or later overtures for their assistance would be 
made, when they would be able to dictate a peace 
such as would give them a chance to “recuperate.” 
They realized, too, that— 

“ Peace hath her victories 
No less renowned than war.” 

It was necessary, as a strategetic stroke of 
policy, for them to manifest little or no interest in 
the November result. Having hitherto been very 
active and important factors of party success, they 
knew that a dignified reticence and stoic inaction 
would bear fruit to their advantage, and hence 
pursued that course. They felt certain that their 
co-operation would be regarded of sufficient im¬ 
portance to call out liberal proposals. They had 
reasoned well. The overtures were made. In due 
time an agreement was concluded between the 
factions, by which “the ring” influence was given 
the “Chicago winner.” The terms of this agreement 




STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


77 


were never fully known to the general public, but 
enough is known to justify the supposition that— 
A special declaring 
In favor of sharing 

Some special fat jobs with the -Ring, 

Say the New York collector, 

As a special “protector,” 

Was quite a desirable thing. 

Then a few other places, 

With equal good graces, 

The Ring was allowed to dispose of; 

As a special behest 
The Ring “might suggest” 

Many things which the world never knows of. 

The Ring men agreed 
With all possible speed 

To start out Ulysees and “ stump it,” 

That they themselves would 
Do all that man could, 

They together would all go and “ hump it.” 




78 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


Then the great “ Head Centre ” 

Went straight out to Mentor 

And demanded a full confirmation, 

When the “ Ohio Surprise,” 

With tears in his eyes 

And a mien of weird consternation, 

Said, with the greatest of pleasure 
I agree to this measure, 

For I know that without it I’m lost; 

So, please have no fears, 

For I bind with my tears 

All the terms, and at whatever cost. 

There was no further defection, 

No well urged objection, 

The compact had eased every pain ; 

A full, fair compliance 
And a perfect reliance 

Would give them success once again. 

So now for the battle 
With a ring and a rattle, 

With a booming and looming and whizzle ; 



STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


79 


Go stir up the people 
From cellar to steeple, 

And dispel every chance for a fizzle. 

As we now are united, 

And our wrongs have been righted, 

In a promise to share in the “ plunder,” 
We have something in sight 
To give zest to the fight, 

And Hancock must get right from under. 

a Three hundred and six,” 

Go right out and mix 

With the people all over this land ; 

Go tell them we’re righted, 

* In the great cause united, 

And together once more we must stand. 

Ulysses, go thou and speak 
To the strong and the weak, 

Go plead for the great cause of state *, 
We'll follow your wake, 

And heal every break, 

And remember that “ seven wins eight.” 




80 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


We have fought the good fight, 

We have come out all right, 

We have elected the Ohio Surprise; 
We have delivered the goods, 

Brought the man “ out the woods,” 
Though it cost us a great many lies. 

Now, let us all take a “ smile,” 

Then we’ll rest us awhile, 

And wait for the day of fair dealing; 
When a just distribution 
Gives a full restitution, 

And also a share in the stealing. 


It was not long after the great national verdict 
day until speculation began to “ run riot ” in ref¬ 
erence to the selection of the incoming “field and 
staff.” 

Hints, and great slivers of hints, were thrown 
out from various quarters, that the “ Gotham Com¬ 
pact” would, in a measure at least, be disregarded. 

These things fell upon the “ parties interested” 
with depressing effect, and elicited the following 




STORY OP A BROKEN RING. 


81 


episode, which indicates the peculiar state of feeling 
at the time: 

Says Roscoe to Don, one bitter cold morning, 
Among the last days of the year : 

I’m feeling uneasy, I think its a warning 
That treachery is brooding quite near. 

I’m thinking, says Roscoe, we’re sold out again. 
The horoscope readeth that way. 

I suppose you refer to the man up in Maine, 

And Roscoe responded with Yea. 

Don’t say that the compact at Gotham we made, 
And confirmed by Surprise in Ohio, 

Is to be set aside and not be obeyed! 

Why! that’s an outrageous “stab” at the “trio.” 
How can it bo thus! What does the man mean! 
Has he no sense of honor! Do tell me I pray. 
Can it be that Maine is to run the machine! 

Again Roscoe responded with Yea .. 

Says Roscoe to Don: 1 greatly do fear 
That we have made another great blunder. 

For 1 see in the papers and otherwise hear 



82 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


That Robertson—that imp of old thunder— 
Expects, with good reasons, the “ Gotham collec¬ 
tion,” 

Has very strong ‘‘backers” who’ll never say Kay. 
Says Don: You don’t tell me! a clear Maine 
“ reflection.” 

Again Roscoe responded with Yea. 

Says Roscoe to Don: Go call in our hero 
With a few other friends whom we know, 

For 1 need bracing up, I’m clear down to zero, 

And I fear that “our cake” is all “dough.” 

Says Don unto Roscoe: We’re in a bad box, 

We are getting the proofs every day; 

That man up in Maine is a sly old fox, 

Again Roscoe responded with Yea. 

We have met, there appears a good reason why ; 
We have snagged our old boat once more, 

We’re hit on the nose, in the mouth, in the eye ; 
We’re feeling, God bless us, quite sore. 

Says the hero: I see it, too weak for our foes, 

And others said Yes, we’ll dissolve us this dav. 

* €/ 



STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


83 


What! peter right out and turn up our toes! 

And they each one responded with Yea. 

Says Don: I propose for your consideration 
That a medal be cast in nickel or brass 
As a proper memento in commemoration 
Of that “heroic band” ere unto death they do pass. 
Let “ Three Hundred and Six ” on the medal appear 
And send one to each, without much delay. 

What say you, my friends, let your answer be clear, 
And they each one responded with Yea. 

One by one the great actors and promoters of 
the now “ Broken Bing ” betook themselves into 
shades of less publicity. 

One of them, under an unbearable load of 
supreme disgust at the instability of purpose which 
he saw around him, and with his confidence in the 
“solemn promises ” of men “ clean gone,” extracted 
himself from the sanhedrim of American greatness 
accompanied by his “Man Friday,” “Me too ,” and 
is now wearing out his remorse on the sharp points 
the legal profession. 



84 


STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


Others with less compunction of conscience and 
more flexible natures seemed willing to submit to 
whatever degrading genuflections the men “ on 
deck ” might require. 

Ulysses,after receiving great “boodles” of “sub¬ 
stantial comfort,” began to look through the invit¬ 
ing fields of speculation, as we suppose, to drown 
his regrets in the “pools of finance,” and shortly 
became the “solid man” in one of the most 
remarkable banking houses known to the world of 
finance. Its plan of operation, business methods and 
hieroglyphical details were, are, and will ever 
remain the great unanswerable financial conun¬ 
drum of the age. It was and is yet the acknowl¬ 
edged prestidigitatorial wonder. 

There was never anything like it before, and there 
is no possible chance for the future to ever re¬ 
produce any thing akin to it. Its base of operation 
seemed to be supposititious government contracts r 
on which, in some w T ay unknown to any but 
themselves, they realized enormous profits which 
were at once absorbed in dividends to the stock- 



STORY OF A. BROKEN RING. 


85 


holders. It was true that they were great and 
successful negotiators of loans, but it is equally 
true, from all that we can see, that the bank was 
itself in every easa the borrower Its principle 
business seemed to be to borrow and declare divi¬ 
dends. It borrowed anything and everything that 
anybody would lend it. It succeeded in borrowing 
and “dividending” until it had rolled up its 
liabilities to sixteen millions, and rolled down its 
assets to a simple dollar mark and as many cyphers 
as the reader may choose to add. When it had 
done this it failed . That’s what the papers called 
it, failed. “Only that and nothing more”—Failed! 
What a gentle term ! How truly feminine ! How 
smilingly easy! Failed! What a museum of 
untruth ! What an earthquake of falsity i 
Messrs. Ferdinand Failure and Fraud, 

Great bankers in Gotham of late, 

Thy name both at home and abroad 
Is a matter of very much prate; 

It’s attracting the greatest attention 
In all the great circles of business, 



86 


STORY OF A BROKEN - RING. 


Requires but the slightest of mention 
To bring on a feeling of dizziness. 

Such immense financial transaction, 

And such a great confidence game, 

And then, such a sudden refraction, 

And such great abuse of a name. 

Thou’rt booked for a full page of history. 
In business thou mad’st the “street” quake, 
In finance thou art a great mystery, 

In fraud thou hast well earned the cake. 

Oh Ferdinand, Ferdinand, and 
Oh thou martyred greatness too. 

Thou art bricks of purest brass, 

Thy conglomerate of methods queer, 

Thy grandiloquent suppositions, 

Great Utopian, brainy heads, 

Vampires, on “root of evil” feeding, 

Clean cut, rare financial gems, 

Lustred for use on earth No. No. 

Nor heaven No Elsewhere, 

Oh precious gems, lights phenomenal, 




STORY OF A BROKEN RING. 


87 


Wliat would the world without thee. 

Ludlow ! unbar thy gates, 

Ope wide thy portals quick, 

That genius unto greatness 
May go again and thrive; 

The law, the courts will crook 
To save thee one and all. 

They who can great millions steal 
May walk abroad and never feel 
The chilling blasts of public scorn, 

But he who in starvation’s hour, 

Takes without leave one bag of flour 
The law will hunt with all its power 
And brand him “ thief,” then toot its horn, 
And on the wind the shame is borne. 

The majesty of law, great God ; 

Her judges too, who hold the rod 
And wield it at the beck and nod 
Of wealth and princely station, 

What chance hath poverty with thee— 
What hope in law or court decree, 



83 


STORV OF a. 6R0KEN RING. 


When justice, as the blind may see, 

Is but a strange epitome 
Of courtly court evasion! 

The end is reached. The story told. 

The object sought is pure as gold. 

There’s much of truth and much of fiction, 
There’s blunt expression, style and diction, 
There’s not a word of mean intention, 
There are some words downright invention. 
There’s not a thought, or word, or act, 

Wh ich is not based on much of fact; 

It’s not the product of “ great mind,” 

It comes direct from “ common kind.” 

In erudition, much is lacking— 

Plain common sense its only backing: 
Claims naught of literary faun?; 

Its author’s worth appears in name, 

Which, thank you, I am pleased to state, 

Is jNieodemus Nickelplatc. 


TJ1E END. 










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